dylan's grandparents

'look at my dump truck!' dylan and his 'papa' emmett at christmas at the reilly residence.

i couldn't help but notice that when dylan's at the playground--he goes right up to people--kids, their moms, nannies, dads, grandpas, grandmas (really, anyone who looks like they're having fun) dylan goes up to them, slips his hand into theirs, sits next to them, gives them hugs, says "DYN-AN" "me, me" to almost anyone who would listen and who would hold his hand or hug him in return. and i stand there, both embarrassed and astonished that this kid has so much heart--or so much courage to go up to strangers like that. is this proper? should i stop him, i wonder? i wonder if i am doing the right thing---i usually go up to dylan, if the people look embarrassed, and tell him that these people are busy and we shouldn't bother them. and usually, they always say that it's okay, and to let dylan do what he's doing. they're usually pretty pleased when dylan shows an interest in them, and think it's a very cute kid thing.

it warms my heart to see my kid so open and free and affectionate--throwing his arms around the world, literally.

i wonder how this almost two year old, this little kid of mine, what compels him to do this. i'm sure it isn't us, his parents---we haven't modeled or encouraged this brazen behavior in little dyl---at least i think i haven't. we don't go around randomly grabbing strangers' hands or cozying up next to them and slappin' high fives! and then i wonder.... i wonder how my kid got so NEEDY all of a sudden. or is that me just projecting. or is dylan being the toddler in his natural state, and it's me that's strange and weird and twisted when i think there's something wrong. he's a people person, for sure. people at the playground say, 'he sure is SHY!' and then we laugh a little together.

today was a typical dylan sort of day. we took dylan to the park, john and i. it's sunday, a leisurely day, and i want to tire dylan out before heading back home for dinner. at the park is a grandpa, whom we've seen before, with his grandson, collin. he's a few years older than dylan. he's a cute kid, and the grandpa was very engaging, demonstrating his new toy---a remote controlled motorcycle on the ball court. the motorcycle's zooming in and out, just like a real cycle would---doing wheelies, going around curves, then hitting the pavement--and collin and dylan would act as runners, seeing who could get the motorcycle first.

collin's grandpa turns to me and says that dylan took his hand---and we both laugh, saying how cute that was. and then i notice that for dylan, he doesn't have a grandpa like collin's -- both of dylan's grandpas are housebound---and it just killed me to think how unfair that was--that dylan had to suffer that. then this thought sort of lead me to blame myself---for having old parents! how could this happen? for being old parents ourselves, john and i! oh the indignity of it all--and getting old--well, that----that----is no fun, i say.

then i sort of take a deep breath and think...that's not very nice of me. i shouldn't judge. everything is perfect the way it is, i say---even though dylan's grandparents are sort of doing what they can--to be there for him. and i gulp, take a deep breath and just thank god for what we do have. that we have grandparents, and parents, who are still with us---in the most imperfect scenarios--however and whichever, that is family.

and whatever i've imagined a perfect family to be---well, it's sort of like the toy motorcyle--it sort of crashed and burned and needed new batteries right away. it's an illusion, no one is perfect, no family is perfect---and still, i find myself, trying to learn this lesson in life. again and again. and what do i teach dylan?

in the car, dylan started chattering about the motorcycle, about collin and collin's grandpa--and i just let him revel in it, and i start asking questions. did you like collin? did you have fun with his grandpa, his 'papa' and wasn't he nice to let you play with his motorcycle. and for me, all is perfect and well, as the sun goes down. i know we are headed home, we will have dinner, we will make spaghetti together, this very seemingly imperfect family of ours---john, me, dylan---us, way too old and crazy as parents---we will make spaghetti and eat dinner together. it is now nighttime and we have to leave the playground. and that is what we did. and i realized that everything was perfect the way it was.

happy new year, everyone. here's to 2010!